There is a new TV show out called Long Lost Family. It’s all about people finding their parents after they’ve been adopted or finding a parent they were separated from. I was already rejected by my biological father years ago and it was only the love and Grace of Jesus that helped me heal. And the love of an awesome mom really. I think it’s one of the most unnatural things in the world to be rejected by a father or mother. And it hurts deeply. But there is hope and that is what I want to share with you today. So if you know anyone who has faced this please share this article with them too so they can heal.
Late last night I sat and watched a new show in my bedroom. Called Long Lost Family. It’s all about kids looking for parents who gave them up and those parents cry and love on them when they are reunited. So late that night while everyone else was sleeping I again thought to myself….maybe. Just maybe he is looking for me, or is curious or maybe he thinks about me like I do him, just maybe.
Let me go back in time for a moment back to when I was in my 20’s (about 20 years ago). At that time a friend of mine told me I should reach out to my biological dad. He said he had been estranged from his own son and if it were him he’d want to meet me. Well I should have figured out that my bio dad was not him. And it wasn’t about to go all that hot for me.
So I called my bio dad’s number and experienced my first anxiety attack in my life. I told him I was successful didn’t want or need anything just wondered if he would mail a picture of himself to me. Super simple thing to do I thought right? Wrong.
He was shocked but said he would.
After a few weeks of nothing coming to me in the mail I think my mom felt some frustration and reached out to him. At which time he said to her, “I have my own life so no I’m not sending it to her and tell her not to contact me again.”
I suppose I could have raged at that moment, or caused his life to be miserable. He’s kept me from his own daughters all these years. And everyone else for that matter. You see it’s not the child’s fault that you had a moment with someone and then realized you don’t want that someone. So why would you ever just turn your back on a little child? Because you are totally selfish that’s why.
You may be thinking to yourself, “How did all of this happen?”
Let me go way back just for you. The story is a bit foggy but my understanding is that he was getting married soon and never told that to my mom who was seeing him at the time. Things happened and I happened. And when he found out that I happened he denied me.
After a paternity test he paid for me. Then a few years later when mom remarried he called her to ask if he could stop. So that was that.
Why am I even writing all of this? Because I know that there are people who desperately want their parents to love them. And the sad truth is that for many of us there is no happy ending like that TV show. But does that mean that we cannot be happy?
No it doesn’t.
If my bio dad totally rejects me and continues to reject me until the day he goes to the grave does that mean that I’m rejected? NO it does not.
It means that he’s a sad human being who is totally selfish and is missing out on one of the best blessings he could have, a daughter like me. I mean look at how cute I was seriously?
So what do we do when those who should love us don’t. We make a decision to show them love in our hearts and just move on.
If I spent my life thinking about him and that he has daughters he loves but not me, how would that make my life feel? You guessed it pretty sucky.
And recently after watching that stupid show I did reach out to a cousin. When I shared the story and told him that I just wanted someone to know who I was and where I was in case my bio dad ever wanted to reach out to me? He unfriend me. Maybe he was shocked maybe he thinks I’m lying I have no clue but it did hurt again. And can I control his actions?
No. Did it hurt me? Yes I’m human right?
So this story may be a little depressing but it has an upside. “Thank God.” You may be thinking LOL
Know this. In life there are some bad things that happen and some people who are just selfish. You may want to tell them off. I know that part of me wishes I could call him and explode. However what good would it do? Do you think he would say, “Oh wow Lisa I’m sorry I never knew I hurt you that way?” No he wouldn’t.
I know where he lives and I know his number and in 20 years I’ve never written him the “you hurt me deeply” letter.
Instead I realize that he has nothing to do with my value in life. That even though he is thoughtless and not worthy of my love that is exactly why I should try to love him. From a distance of course.
You see there is a scripture in the Bible, well several that I really love.
Psalm 68:4 The Bible describes God as, “Father to the fatherless” (Psalm 68:5 NLT).
Jesus said, “For the Father himself loves you dearly” (John 16:27 NLT).
So even though he doesn’t love me the ONE who made everything does.
So maybe you can find comfort in that. And realize that you can’t control who rejects you.
But don’t ever let rejection on the outside produce rejection on the inside of your heart.
I know it’s not easy. And some days like the one I had the other day you may be filled with stinging questions of “Why me, how come they can’t just love me, why does he love his daughters but not me” Those thoughts come. But just know that you are loved and a person’s selfish heart has zero to do with how valuable you are.
I really hope this helped you if you ever feel lost or rejected. You are not alone xoox- Lisa